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Hey Mom, Stop Stalking Me With Your Voice
“Be careful how you talk to your children, because one day that will become their inner voice.” – some quote on Facebook (is that ligit to say now? Can I just quote shit with “eh… saw it on my news...
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I Want To Be With you… and Eat You
It is nice to be sought after. To have someone express there desire to be around you. The idea that a person desperately wants to spend time with you is flattering. A nice little boost to the ego....
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So Much Forgiveness
People suck. They can be selfish, entitled, thoughtless, rude and the more you are around them, the greater the chance they will piss you off. In adult relationships there are many options on how to...
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You Really Shouldn’t Fucking Swear
Swearing is not good and shit. It is considered offensive, rude, and inappropriate. There is never a circumstance that truly justifies it, and it reflects poorly on your character. One should recognize...
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Doing Stuff For Yourself Sucks
One of the many annoying things about having a young child is how much you have to do for them. I don’t mean the keeping them alive part, but dealing with all the stuff that they can’t do because they...
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I Have Met My Match (and she will destroy me)
I am a really hard person to argue with. Not that I am mean or nasty. I will not call you vile names or spit in your general direction – unless I am hanging out my Llama friends. Yet I am a master...
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I Think I’ll Go Cry About That
Isn’t it kind of nuts that ocean water pours out of your face when you feel emotions? Although sometimes it feels really good to release liquid out your eyeballs, crying is also a really intense way to...
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Do You Like Being a Mom?
The other day The Munch and I were driving in the car and she asked me this question. Munch: Do you like being a mom? Toni: Well, I like you! I am glad you were born and I love you forever. But I don’t...
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Even Though I Love You I Don’t Always Like You
We all love our families – or at least we feel the cultural pressure to say we do, and honor the obligation by pretending. I have an to uncle whom I sign off emails saying, “love Toni,” but in truth I...
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It’s my Birthday TODAY!!! My Gift to You Is Life Advice!!
Today is the day to commemorate that fateful morning when my mom deposited me onto this planet. What a coincidence that you happen to live here too right? Weird. Birthdays are a time of...
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Do You Want To Share Reality With Me?
The other day the Munch was having a play date with a friend, and they started arguing over which game to play – bakery vs. chipmunks making poop pie. Now call me out of touch with the youths, but I...
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Nursing the Teat of the Earth Dry
We all have shamanic rituals we enact to get through life on this earth – these sacred routines that help connect you to your higher self and escape the harshness of reality. Maybe for you it’s taking...
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The Codependent Gene
Hi. I’m Toni. I’m codependent. I’m working on it, but only if it’s okay with you? If it makes you upset that I’m becoming less codependent then I will stop – but if you approve – then I will continue....
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